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| Today I finished recording the vocals for my upcoming CD! Recording my new music has been such an amazing experience. I'm seeing how each CD (this will be my third full-length CD), has a personality of its own. With this new one, I've really broken out of my "safe zone" - musically, lyrically, and vocally.
This CD started off differently from the very beginning. Before starting my last CD ( "Ready"), I was very clear that I wanted to make a trip-hop CD. With this new one, I had only a feel for the direction I wanted to go in (and my producer totally "got it"), and we kind of felt our way along, dictated by the songs themselves. In the past (for about 80 percent of my songs), I would write the lyric first and then write the music. For this CD, I can't really remember which came first! I think for almost all these songs (there will probably be 14 on the CD), I wrote the music and lyrics together - something very new for me. All the songs on this upcoming CD have very definite view points, and that dictated the music, and how I approached each song vocally. It was an exciting creative challenge. I loved recording every song! And of course it helps - big time - to have an amazing producer (like Barrett Yeretsian who also produced my last CD, "Ready"). This was an incredibly creative process, and it was really heavenly working out the details of each song.
So, we've still got some mixing to do, mastering, CD production, and if all goes as planned, I hope to release the CD this fall - in September or October! Stay tuned... I'll try to get back on the blogging wagon.
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This has been a great week! First of all, I shot a pilot for the Sci-Fi Channel. For those of you who don't know what a pilot is - a pilot is a scripted and filmed first episode of a new, hopefully upcoming, TV Series. It is shown to networks in the hope that they will pick it up, make a full series from it, and air it on TV. The show I was in has a great script, and we had a great crew, so hopefully it will get picked up!! Keep you fingers crossed!
More great news: Barrett Yeretsian, the producer of my upcoming CD (as well as my last CD, "Ready"), is the co-writer and producer of the hit song, "Jar of Hearts" sung by Christina Perri! The song is a MAJOR HIT, and is in the top 20 songs on iTunes!! Check it out and buy it!!
And finally, my newest CD is getting close to completion! I can proudly say that it is the boldest, most interesting work - both lyrically, musically and vocally - I've done to date!! Can't wait to finish it and release it!!!
Stay tuned for more updates!!
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| It has been a long time since I've written a blog - the longest since I've been blogging. I think it has been because I've been in such a heightened and focused creative state. All my energy, focus, and everything I've wanted to say has been put into my work. To update you, I have finished writing my one-man-show, and am now in the process of finding a director. It has taken me approximately two years to write this show. Never having written a show before, I can now understand and appreciate the process of writing. For me it was a lot of writing, digesting, then editing, reshaping and reworking, then more writing, digesting, reshaping, and so on. I didn't realize, much like songwriting, how much discovery comes in the writing. I thought you had to have it all figured out before you wrote anything. Once I let go of that idea, the process was easier and much more productive. I am very happy with the show, and excited that it will feature many songs from my upcoming CD. Regarding my next CD, my hope is to release it sometime in September. I am in the process of recording the last two songs. This CD will be a stretch for me in many ways. I really have pushed the limits of my songwriting, my voice, and the music. Between my new CD and my show, I can honestly say that I'm in the most creative period I've ever had. I'm VERY excited about my new songs! They reflect my new discoveries about life, society, and the world around us.
Speaking of the world around us, I just returned from a short break in Costa Rica. This was the second time I visited that wonderful country. I stayed (for the second time) in the rainforest on the Osa Peninsula - which has been called the most biologically intense place in the world. This time I stayed in Drake Bay, and once again was overwhelmed by how much life there was surrounding me. It is jaw dropping how all that life works in harmony. Once again I walked away with a totally new perspective on life. Living in a "man's world", one isn't privy to how amazing and intelligent life beyond humans is. Two stories (told to me by guides during my stay) stuck with me. I hope I get them right in retelling them...
The first is regarding the Mahogany Trees and the monkeys. One of the favorite foods of the monkeys are the seeds from the Mahogany Trees. Scientist have discovered that to protect themselves from the monkeys, the trees have created a chemical (or enzyme - I don't remember what exactly) in their seeds that acts as birth control for monkeys! So the monkeys are only able to reproduce every 2 to 3 years instead of all the time, regulating the monkey population so they don't eat all the seeds of the tree! And there is an island off the coast, Cano Island, which has Mahogany Trees but no monkeys. The trees on the island don't produce that chemical, since there are no predators eating the seeds! Pretty amazing that a tree can create a chemical when needed to regulate the birth rate of a monkey! And stupid me — living in a city, thought trees just stood there and gave off oxygen and took in CO2. I didn't realize they have consciousness. I guess if we all knew that, we'd treat trees with more respect than we do, and think twice about cutting them down.
The second mind boggling story, deals with Orb Spiders and Wasps. An orb spider spends every day of its life spinning a web in the shape of a circle. That is what it does — all it does. However, it seems that wasps have some sort of brainwashing or mind control over the spiders. They find one of these spiders, and sting it. They don't kill it, but briefly paralyze it, and lay their larvae on the spider. After the wasp leaves, the spider continues spinning its web each day, while the larvae slowly feed on the spider — not killing it. The day before the larvae hatch, the spider isn't able to make its circular web. Instead, it spins a web in the shape of a blanket (something it has never ever made before), which is a perfect size for the larvae. They then kill the spider — eating it — and cocoon themselves in the web blanket which offers great protection from weather and other insects! Studies were done where the larvae were removed from the spider before they killed it, and in a few days, the spider was able to make its circular web once again. No one understands how the wasps manipulate the spider to such a degree. Crazy!
Both of these stories (and there are others) make me realize how we are not the great mastermind race we think we are. We are just another creature on this incredible planet — and we are too smart for our own good. It is very humbling and intimidating — and incredible — to be around life in such a profound way.
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| A thanks to those of you who have sent messages wondering where I am! Sorry about not staying current with my blogs, twitter, Facebook, and MySpace. I haven't written a blog in quite a long time as I've been very busy writing and recording songs, and finishing the writing of my one-man-show. So I haven't felt I've had anything else in me to write! Another side effect is that I haven't been very social either. I've been totally and completely focused on my creative work. But I have a short break right now and I'll do my best to at least write an update of what's been happening...
Creatively, things have been wonderful. I've gone back to the recording studio, and have been recording songs for a new CD. To date, I've recorded and finished six songs, and am in the process of finishing two more. I don't yet have a title for the CD (I'm tossing around three ideas but haven't chosen one yet). It is turning out to be what I believe is my most creative work so far. I'm really pushing the limits of my writing, song structure, and sound. It has been (thus far) a joyous, exciting experience.
At the same time, I finally got past a major writing block with my show, and I think I'm just about finished the second draft. When this draft is done, I'm pretty sure I will be ready to start working on the performing of it! The show will include several songs from my upcoming CD (as well as songs from "Infinite Man" and "Ready").
Another reason I haven't been blogging is that I am in a creative state where I am not able to judge or even observe my process. I am so focused on what's in front of me, that I can't even begin to explain or describe my process - even to myself. And I don't want to take myself out of the creative process to examine what's going on - I just want to continue working.
But, hopefully, by the summer I will have a new CD out, as well as a live show!! I definitely will post all info on both of those, as they approach.
Thanks again for all your support, and messages. I haven't disappeared - I'm just in a cocoon with my pen and voice.
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Starting on Monday, January 25th and continuing for two weeks, "CD BABY" will donate $1 from every CD sold through their website, (physical CDs, as well as full CD downloads), to the American Red Cross and to Mercy Corps, a Portland-based relief organization with a large presence in Haiti. So if you were thinking of purchasing one of my CDs for you or a friend, please do so in the next two weeks, and help support the people in Haiti as well! Below are the links:
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While struggling with one of the changes I have been working on with writing my show (It has been a HUGE undertaking and challenge), I finally had a bit of a breakthrough. After suffering from writer's block for a few months now, I finally stumbled back to the place I started: the realization that I'm writing the show because there is something I want to say. Somewhere along the way, I lost site of that and started to think more about what others would think of the show. That was enough to destroy my writing and any sense of confidence. So I am finally feeling like I'm getting back on my feet, and have some direction again. I'm not sure If I'll make my deadline of a finished show by December 31st, but at least I'm feeling like I'm on my way.
I'm not sure why, but I didn't fall into this trap with my songwriting. I think 80% of the songs I'm planning on recording for my next CD are songs I wrote in the past few months (including the first two I've already started recording). And I feel they are my best songs yet. Lyrically, while most of my songs from my first two CDs ( "Infinite Man" and "Ready", and even the single "Lonely Motel") look inward, my new songs (mostly) look outward at the world around me. I wrote what I feel with no apologies, and it is a sign of my growth as a person and an artist. I've gotten larger and larger doses of reality in this past decade of my life, and I'm finally making peace with it. I'm embracing reality: pain and all. As a result, in my long goal to find my "voice", I am finally starting to hear it. I'm not sure if what I'm "hearing" is a creation, or if it is something that's always been there and I'm now seeing it after all the illusions and delusions have been stripped away. Whichever it is, I am clear that the act of creating (music or acting) is what gives me life. It is what makes me — me.
I've been going through some sort of psychological epiphany for some reason (it was not on my "To Do" list!). As I keep creating, I'm getting clearer and more accepting of life and "reality". In my acceptance of reality, I've come to believe that the human condition comes with suffering and anxiety. I think that is part of what it is to be human. And if that's the case, I see two choices in life: either feel the pain, or avoid it. If we feel it, we can actually move though it (as painful as it is) and have some sort of happiness and power (until the next pain comes our way). If we avoid feeling it (which is what we are taught to do in society), we can't really have power or true happiness, and avoidance often leads to addiction and/or living in denial.
I heard a quote which speaks directly to my insight (I guess it's true that there are no original thoughts). It is no surprise that the quote is from the brilliant Carl Jung:
"Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering." - Carl Jung
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| It has gotten harder and harder for me to blog as I've been doing a lot of non-blog writing the past few months. If you are up to date, you'll know I recently finished the first draft of my one-man-show. I was very happy with it, and pretty amazed that I was able to write a show! There were 2 major changes I felt it needed. One of them has been made — and I think the show is even better now! The second change is giving me a bit more trouble. I have been struggling with it since the first draft was completed, and have still not been able to resolve it. One thing I've learned from the writing process so far, is that if I keep at it, it will come. So I'm still trudging along.
As I mentioned in my last radio interview, lately, while writing the show, many song ideas were coming to me. I took notes and put them aside thinking I would get back to song writing once my show was finished. But a few weeks ago, while struggling, I thought I'd take a short break from writing the show (to hopefully gain some perspective for when I return to it), and start writing songs. I also learned from my past that when songs come to me, I should write! Strike while the iron's hot — as there are times when nothing comes to me. Well, the floodgates have opened and I'm writing songs like crazy! And I have enough great songs for a new CD! Interestingly enough, I have a LOT of previously written songs I haven't recorded. Yet most of the songs I'll be recording for my next CD are newly written. It seems I've evolved, and my new songs reflect that. I'm very excited about this new project! The producer of "Ready" and I have been talking on and off for a while about recording a new CD, and now I feel it is time. If all goes according to plan, I might be in the studio as soon as sometime this month!!
It has been a long time since I prepared songs to record, and I must say it is one of my favorite processes. I generally start with a lyric (about 75% of my new songs stared with the lyric). Once I add music, the lyrics inevitably change. Some just slightly and others become whole new lyrics. I seem to discover the song while writing it, and I love the feeling of finding my way in the dark with just the thread of the lyric and the notes of the melody to pull me along. It is such a joyous experience! My mind seems to be tuned into a different channel when I'm songwriting (I wish I could find that place so easily when writing my show)!!
Thus, I've been pretty preoccupied these days. I must say "thank you" to everyone who's sent me messages about my show. I REALLY appreciate the support! My new goal is to have the show ready to rehearse by Jan 1st. Through my blogs, I will keep you all up to date on my progress — both with my show and my next CD. Stay tuned....
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| Those of you following me on Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter, know that I recently finished the first draft of my one-man-show! It was a major feat indeed!! For the most part, I'm thrilled with how the first draft came out and can't wait to perform it! I am so surprised to have written a play (based around my music). I never in a million years thought I'd do something like that! It shows me that if you put your mind to something, do the work, and stay in action even in the face of not knowing, you can accomplish things you don't think you can do. I'm really surprised at the outcome, and much like with songwriting, I don't know where the characters and stories came from (the show follows the story of several people). A difficult and fulfilling endeavor. I guess that's what creativity is? My show is not quite where I want it yet, as there are two somewhat major changes I feel I need to make. So I'm back to writing! I'm feeling a bit blocked at the moment, but I'm trusting from my experience that if I keep at it, eventually something great and unexpected will come.
Of course it reminds me of a quote. And how appropriate that it is from the brilliant actress-comedian Gilda Radner!
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next." - Gilda Radner
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I very recently returned from a trip to Alaska - my first cruise ever. I didn't know what to expect — both from Alaska or from the cruise, and both were surprising. Overall, I totally enjoyed the cruise in spite of eating way too much delicious food. It was one of the smaller cruise ships and they even provided fantastic commentary much of the time while cruising. The last day was at sea (on the way to Seward) and there were 12 foot waves and 45 mile and hour winds — much to my (and many other passengers') discomfort. I realized at that point I was ready to get off the ship! However, the six previous days were pretty calm with both sun and rain, and I could have spent the entire time on the top deck watching the sea and the land pass by. I couldn't get over the colors. The jade green waters, the blue and purple mountains, the white of the fog, clouds and snow, the green of the leaves and trees, and the blue of the ice. One of the days I took an excursion on a catamaran up the Tracy Arm Fjord to the Sawyer Glacier. It was my first time seeing a glacier meet the water. It looked like a river of ice, flowing between the mountains to the sea but frozen in time. Where the ice met the sea the ice formed 300 to 400 foot cliffs of blue ice. The catamaran kept its distance from the glacier as ice can suddenly jut out from the sea and can be quite dangerous. Just as we arrived to view the glacier, the guide announced that we probably wouldn't see any calving (when ice breaks from the glacier and falls into the ocean) like you see on National Geographic, because if we did it would mean it was happening a lot and there would soon be nothing left. About 30 seconds later a huge chunk of ice broke off and crashed right into the ocean! Our boat was in front of the glacier for 20 minutes and we witnessed the glacier calving five times. It was quite spectacular and very disturbing at the same time. Later in the cruise, we made our way to the Hubbard Glacier (I think it is the largest glacier in the world). We were there for less than 20 minutes and saw that glacier's 500 foot ice cliffs calve three times — again, a bit disturbing. At one of the ports, I took a four mile hike with seven other people and two tour guides in an old growth forest. It was so green and wild, with moss and different mushrooms growing, bear claws on trees, wild flowers and berries, and a river flowing through it. It made me feel like I was in Jurassic Park at times. One of the other hikers was saying that he thought Global Warming was a media concoction. I bit my tongue. The tour guide (a 28 year old guy) diplomatically said that a better way to think about it is as "climate change". I couldn't believe that with all the talk on the cruise about the glaciers melting faster than ever — and our witnessing so much melting, that someone can't open their mind enough to accept the fact that the average temperature on earth is getting hotter quicker than ever before. Research is very clear that our lifestyles (from the industrial revolution on) are helping speed the temperature rise. I really don't understand what people gain by being so closed minded. Is it so they can keep justifying their beliefs, even if all the evidence of the world is against them? I don't understand that at all. When you are standing before something so humbling as a mountain, or the ocean, or a forest, if you allow yourself, you can realize how insignificant we all are. How beautiful and how insignificant we are. Life is bigger than all of us, and somehow we got it in our minds that we are more important that all of it. That we are above it all. I got a real clear sense of how living in our minds is not living in reality. And now being back in the "human world" for a bit, slowly things are becoming important again and find myself losing touch with the "world". I guess we are only capable of digesting so much at one time. Life is so overwhelmingly beautiful that maybe it is too much to be present with that experience for more than a few days at a time. Perhaps our minds can't handle it.
I'll close with a photo I took of awe inspiring Sawyer Glacier. I took it as our boat was leaving the glacier. There are two other boats in the photo. I'll also leave you with an appropriate quote from Buddha:
"It is better to travel well than to arrive." - Buddha
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I am heavy into the process of writing my one-man-show based on my music. About a month ago I thought I was nearing the end — and was getting very excited. However, the more I wrote, the more I realized that a large chunk of the play needed to be rewritten. I was talking to a writer friend of mine, and he said that is very common with writing a play or a story of some kind. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, given how my songs often change shape when I'm writing them. So I'm still writing away, and very happy with the direction it is taking! As a result of working on the show, I've been pretty behind on my blogs, my MySpace, Facebook and Twitter sites. I'll do my best to catch up as the days go by! Just thought I'd update you on where I'm at at the moment.
Also, I was recently interviewed on the weekly ACB Radio Show, "Books and Beyond". It was a one-hour interview and I was asked about everything from my acting, singing and songwriting, my days as a graphic designer (especially working on the O. J. Simpson case), and particularly about my creative process. Two of my songs will be played during the interview as well. It will be airing Saturday, June 11 at 6 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, and will replay every two hours until the next day at 6 p.m.. Here is the link: ACB RADIO
As we mourn the passing of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, I thought I'd include a quote from one of them (knowing how I love quotes). Below is an excerpt from a letter written by Farrah to her "Charlie's Angels" co-star Jaclyn Smith. Jaclyn read the letter during an interview with Barbara Walters. I found these words very inspirational. In addition, these words show her courage in the way she lived her life, and the way she battled cancer. Being a huge Farrah fan, I always admired her risk taking. She could have rested on her looks, but instead she challenged herself to go beyond her comfort zone with highly demanding parts in plays and movies such as "Extremities" and "The Burning Bed". Thank you both, Michael and Farrah, for your contributions to my life. You both made the sun shine a little brighter for me....
"I want to thank you my dearest friend, for helping me take this ambiguous journey. Fear of everything seems just around the corner everyday and it's my biggest test because I was never bothered by fear. I always felt that if I succeeded that was great, and if something failed my attitude was what's the worst that could happen. A failure. So you just move on."
- Farrah Fawcett.
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